Written: April 9, 2014
I was recently listening to an NPR radio broadcast. I found it to be a very interesting interview with an author named Adam Grant. He is the writer of a book named "Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success." The interviewer is Diane Rehm of The Diane Rehm Show. If you wish to read the shows transcript you can find it at this link: transcript link.
Adam Grant in my opinion gave some brilliant explanations about people that are givers, takers, and those who are in the middle which he named matchers.
Here he roughly describes a giver, taker, and matcher:
| We all know successful people who are takers, you know, who try to get as much as possible from others and contribute as little as they can in return. They tend to self-promote, they love to claim credit, sometimes they even backstab. And then you have, on the other end of the spectrum, these people that I call givers who actually enjoy contributing more to others than they receive in return and will frequently do things like make an introduction, share knowledge, offer mentoring with no strings attached. And most of us aren't purely takers or givers. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle I use the term matchers, which is basically people who try to maintain an even balance of give and take, reciprocity, quid pro quo. If I help you, I expect you to help me. |
In Adam's definition, it sounds to me that takers are similar to parasites, and weaken the entire give and take system that we all are a part of. But later in the show he sheds much more light on the three kinds of personalities that people have, and how valuable they are to our social system.
Givers:
| GRANT: So there's some wonderful work, this is Dan McAdams and his colleagues, actually showing that people tend to become much more generous as they approach mid life, and I think some of that is driven by, you know, gaining mastery in skill that you can actually pass forward to a younger generation, and some of that is also reflecting on, you know, the contributions that you've made, and think about what do I want to leave behind. |
| GRANT: Yeah. I think there are probably multiple ways of being a giver, right? So I'm not suggesting that people should self sacrifice, and in fact, givers who consistently put other people first and neglect their own interest and goals, end up typically I find becoming doormats or burning themselves out, or both. I think the question is really what are the ways that you can contribute to others while still advancing your own goals and maintaining your own ambitions? And I think that sharing knowledge and mentoring is one of the most powerful ways to do that. |
| Givers are not necessarily nice, soft, touchy-feely people. In fact, there are a lot of people who are incredibly tough and sort of challenging in their demeanor, but at the end of the day have others' best interests at heart. |
| You know, I think a lot of people end up giving to takers and they get taken advantage of, and they learn that it's really risky and dangerous to give, which is true. It's less risky and dangerous if you're giving to matchers who tend to reciprocate and pay it back. |
| GRANT: So I think a lot of it is about saying, look, we tend to think of giving as, you know, spending hours and hours of sort of time and selfless sacrifice. But, you know, a lot of the most valuable contributions you can make to other people are, you know, making a quick introduction or, you know, sharing an article, giving some fast advice or feedback. Or, you know, even going out of your way to praise and acknowledge, you know, the sort of invisible work of somebody who's really working hard. REHM: Do you think women tend to be more in the giver category than do men? GRANT: I would that a qualified yes. I've been reading through the data on this one as well. And there's an analysis by Alice Eagly and her colleagues suggesting that men and women don't differ overall in the frequency of their helping behaviors. But they differ in where they target them. So women tend to do more giving and helping toward people they're in close relationships with -- friends, family members, close colleagues. Men tend to do a little bit more helping and giving towards strangers. |
Takers:
| GRANT: I think it's always hard to judge from afar, and so you would be in a much better position to answer that question than I would. But I do think that, you know, if you look at all the political scandals that have broken recently, there have been some really disturbing cases of taking in politics. And I think that a lot of takers are really good fakers. In that, you know, they... REHM: Fakers. GRANT: Fakers, yeah. They create an air of generosity and, you know, sort of maintain this façade to get where they want to go. And then, of course, have really self-serving motives behind a lot of their actions. |
| REHM: Probably less so, but no way. But you think you can spot a taker just from, say, a Facebook profile? GRANT: I think we can get some clues. There's some work by Keith Campbell and his colleagues suggesting that takers actually post vainer photos of themselves on Facebook. And so I always like to think about this in terms of, you know, look at your average photo and then how much more attractive is your profile photo than your typical photo. Are you really trying to put your best foot forward? REHM: And what it is you say about yourself? GRANT: Yeah. There's some evidence too that the takers tend to be more self-promoting. You know, they will tend to write status updates that are about the great things that they have accomplished. REHM: As opposed to saying simply who and what they are. GRANT: Exactly. Or even, you know, sharing things that other people have done and recognizing and celebrating other people's accomplishments. REHM: Are you on Facebook? GRANT: I am. |
Matchers:
| So if you're a matcher, you really believe in a just world, and you think what goes around ought to come around. GRANT: And what that will mean is you spend a lot of your time trying to punish takers so that they get what they deserve, sometimes even through gossip, and at the same time actually trying to really sort of lift up givers and make sure they get rewarded for their generosity. And so I think that matchers are actually often plotting the wellbeing of the helpful, generous people around us and helping them actually get those job interviews in the first place. |
In these paragraphs, Adam explains that being more of a giver can actually help you rise to the top of the corporate ladder. His viewpoints are very revealing. It seems to be destined that a matcher or giver eventually becomes successful. Simply because of the will of good men and women that lean to the matcher or giver personality. It also seems the takers are outnumbered.
| <REHM: Thank you. I think a good many people begin their whole work life with the idea of if I don't take care of myself, nobody else will. You have a very different perception. GRANT: I think that's probably true. I think that a lot of people go in thinking it has to be all about me, and yet, most organizations are really interdependent. You have to collaborate with other people, you have to serve clients, and so oftentimes helping others is a way to actually rise to the top. REHM: Helping others rising to the top. One usually thinks of people rising to the top because of hard work, ambition, drive. You're putting it in a whole different perspective. Explain it. GRANT: Sure. So I think that the, you know, the basic idea is we start -- when we evaluated people coming into an organization, we tend to look at their talent and, you know, their skills. But at the end of the day, how much value they add isn't just how much talent they have, but also how much they actually contribute to their colleagues, to their customers, and really whether they can use their skills to benefit others and help other people rise to the top. |
After listening to this broadcast, it gives me more hope that someday all the takers of this world will eventually be eliminated and die off. Therefore it may be a possibility that mankind could someday eliminate the monetary system and replace it with a true honor system. Therefore utterly destroying all selfish greed and freeing society worldwide from the shackles of debt.
Thanks Diane Rehm, and Adam Grant, for a very entertaining and enlightening broadcast on NPR radio!
